Geoff walked through the woods in search of the Tentacles of Target Markets. ‘This is a lot of effort’, Geoff muttered to himself, ‘an updated brief from the publisher would have sufficed.’ Then he remembered the first rule of brief writing: ‘don’t inform authors of big changes to the brief until they have already written around four units of the book’. At least a visit to the Tentacles would confirm the inevitable – the book was ‘going global’. In publisher terms, that just meant they would be adding a few subsidiary target markets that clashed quite considerably with the primary market for the resource.
After some time, Geoff arrived at a clearing in the woods. In the corner of the open space he noticed a small (but diverse) group of people, under the age of 30, having a picnic. The members of the group were laughing (and/or smiling) and one member of the group was playing the guitar. The guitarist appeared to be playing a D major chord and readying their pinky finger for a slightly clumsy looking Dsus4. From a distance, Geoff thought they were playing a ‘park classic’ such as Tom Petty’s Freefallin’, although no actual sound was coming out from the instrument – the guitarist was only holding it as a prop. The spread on the picnic blanket did not include any alcohol, pork pies or cold cuts, only carefully placed pieces of fruit alongside bottled drinks made from 100% natural fruit juice. Everyone had very straight, white teeth. A woman in the group wore a top that subliminally referenced the White Rose University Consortium, and placed too much strain on her right wrist.
Geoff approached the group with excitement. ‘Excuse me’, he said, ‘I couldn’t help but notice how aspirational and tokenistic this scene is. Would you mind if I took a photo of you all? It would be perfect for an ELT coursebook.’
‘Of course you can,’ said the guy on the right staring lovingly at one of his sexual (and life) partners. ‘Would you like us to hold this exact pose? We’ve actually been sitting just like this, totally naturally, for a few minutes now.’
‘That would be perfect!’ said Geoff, as he grabbed his camera and took a few snaps. ‘Thanks. That’ll be a great photo to use in our upcoming book, assuming it’s suitable for all our target markets’
‘What is all this target markets stuff?’ said the guy holding one of the many unopened bottles of fruit juice. ‘Earlier on, I was busy picking a bunch of wild orange roses for my three lovers over near the entrance to that cave,’ (he pointed yonder then continued) ‘I thought the roses would look great randomly hanging out of this picnic hamper. Anyway, I saw this giant octopus splashing around in a lagoon inside the cave. He was muttering to himself something about expanding into different target markets which should result in changes to certain aspects of the writing process’
‘Did the octopus mention Turkey and China?’ Geoff asked.
‘Yes, and Mexico. Oh, and Japan.’ replied the guy.
‘That must be the Tentacles of Target Markets!’ exclaimed Geoff. ‘Thanks for telling me! However, do you mind if we do this part again, but in a less natural way? It’s just, well, I’m an ELT author. I was going to ask you if you knew where to find the Tentacles, but we arrived at that information by coincidence through more general interaction. Coursebook conversations are more contrived than that and, as a coursebook author, I need to practice what I preach. Do you think we can make that previous conversation a bit more inauthentic?’
‘Sure’ said the guy.
‘Great. Hi, can you help me?’ began Geoff.
‘Sure, no problem,’ said the guy.
‘I’m looking for the Tentacles of Target Markets,’ said Geoff.
‘Oh, they’re not far. Walk over to those trees. You’ll see an entrance to a cave. The Tentacles are in there, you can’t miss them’ replied the guy.
‘Okay, so that’s… walk to the trees, see the cave entrance, and the tentacles are there…?’ clarified Geoff.
‘Yes. If you have any problems just check Google Maps’ said the guy.
Geoff thanked the polyamorous foursome and headed off to the cave. He sincerely hoped he could include aspects of their relationship(s) in the coursebook text accompanying his photo – in a usualised way of course. Deep down, he already knew that whatever he wrote would be tweaked so that they’d be viewed merely as a group of friends.
Upon entering the cave, he was immediately greeted by the Tentacles of Target Markets.
‘Ahh, Geoff. You found me,’ said the Tentacles with disappointment. ‘I was hoping to keep this information from you until at least Unit 4. Alas, now I’ll have to keep you fully informed about changes to the project, so you can do your work with less frustration than usual’.
‘Sorry to add some efficiency to the project,’ replied Geoff.
‘Apology accepted,’ replied the Tentacles, ‘Anyway, there have been some developments with the project which you should be aware of – I shall now reluctantly share them at an appropriate time during the project schedule. Basically, we are cutting costs. This was meant to be a product for the Spain market. However, we are expanding the reach of the resource into different target markets. This will result in changes to certain aspects of the writing process’
‘I know,’ replied Geoff. ‘That commissioning editor in the Park of Publisher Flattery said the product would have an impact on learners ‘globally’ – that told me that you were always going to do this.’
‘Aha! We’re rumbled!’ conceded the Tentacles. ‘Well, you may have predicted it, but the project expansion is greater than you could have ever imagined!’ The Tentacles began to spin around, flailing two feelers all over the place.
‘It’s not just Spain! Look at the suckers on my tentacles, Geoff! There’s China, Turkey…’ began the Tentacles.
‘Yes, yes. And Mexico. That’s just standard these days. Japan too?’ scoffed Geoff.
‘Oh. It appears you are not phased by this…’ said the Tentacles in anger. ‘So, let’s up the ante!’ Suddenly, the Tentacles grew DOUBLE the amount of arms, began spinning wildly, and fired every target market imaginable at Geoff. His sword of pushback could not deal with the relentless and diluted spread of the product…
‘Brazil! Russia! India! Peru! We are going for a fully global catch-all! Egypt! Qatar! Thailand! Korea (Republic, I mean, we can’t work miracles)!’ continued the Tentacles.
‘Why???????’ screamed Geoff. ‘I felt quite comfortable writing for those few markets I know well. I’ve never even taught in Peru, or taught any Peruvians. I don’t know what they want!’
‘Western ideals!’ replied the Tentacles. ‘Aspirational lifestyles built on a typically Eurocentric outlook. Neoliberalism. Perceived representation in the form of unintentional othering,’ squealed the Tentacles. ‘Failing that, add in some extreme ironing, or K-Pop. It doesn’t matter what the target market is, they all want the same!’
‘Right…’ said Geoff, feeling both bemused and disheartened. ‘Are we okay with representing sexual orientations and/or preferences extending beyond a heteronormative model?’
‘Absolutely not! Although some images that could subtly imply that we are representing otherwise marginalised groups might work. Any ideas?’ asked the Tentacles.
Geoff shared his photo of the polyamorous foursome from the clearing in the woods. The Tentacles rejected it outright on various grounds. They did, however, praise Geoff for the tokenistic nature of the photo in general, acknowledged that it did seem aspirational, and could see how any hint of non-heteronormative relationships could be explained away.
‘Now, Geoff, having got you on board and locked you into the project, it’s time we shared our expectations for the marketing side of things.’ said the Tentacles. ‘You must pay a visit to the Tower of Hidden Commitments’
‘Marketing?!’ exclaimed Geoff. ‘I haven’t even started writing the thing!’
‘Exactly!’ replied the Tentacles. ‘We need to get you committed to the marketing campaign before you get too jaded!’
The Tentacles shared a pindrop for the Tower of Hidden Commitments on Google Maps. Geoff requested that the directions were shared in a stunted A2-level inauthentic dialogue, but the Tentacles explained that no-one actually speaks like that. They did, however, praise Geoff’s suitability for writing ELT coursebooks.
Geoff trudged off towards the tower, his head hanging slightly lower than before.
Credits
All stills taken from Soleil / Crusader of Centy (c) Sega/Nextech/Atlus
Source: here
GIFs adapted from Shadowserg’s all bosses walkthrough here.
Pixabay image of picnicking foursome here.
Categories: General, materials writing
ELT Planning 
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