Crusader of ELT Materials Writing: Part 1

By Pete on June 2, 2023 • ( 2 )

‘Right,’ exclaimed Geoff, ‘it’s time for another project with the Big Four’.

He gave his kids a big hug – he was unlikely to spend quality time with them for a while. He apologized in advance to his wife for the work rants she would have to endure over the next year.

Picking up his brief-creep shield and ‘The Sword of Pushback’, Geoff left life behind and headed off towards The Woods of Regret.

On his way to the woods, he passed through the Park of Publisher Flattery.

‘We’d love you to put your own stamp on this project,’ said a wise old Commissioning Editor sitting on a park bench, ‘this product will have a genuine impact on hundreds of learners globally.’

‘You’re right,’ thought Geoff naively.

‘I’ll raise a contract,’ said the Commissioning Editor. ‘In the meantime, head over to The Woods of Regret. We have three-months’ worth of work for you to get started on before that contract arrives’.

________________

Geoff made it to the woods. Strolling down a well-trodden path, he could hear the wind whistling through the trees.

‘Turn back, Geoff!’

Was that…?

‘You’ll have no real input…’

Did I just…?

‘It’s a trap!’

‘Right,’ said Geoff, ‘Come out from behind those trees!’

Out stepped three anonymous looking figures. They were the Three Voices of ELT Materials Writing Reason. Geoff addressed them.

‘Thank you for your concerns,’ said Geoff, ‘but it’ll be fine. I’ve just taken a stroll through the Park of Publisher Flattery and everything sounds great. In fact, I sound really important to this project.’

The spirits shuffled back behind the treeline. It was too late. The publisher’s spell has already taken hold.

‘They’re using Sharepoint for file management!’ shouted one of the spirits, in a futile attempt to change Geoff’s mind.

‘I’m quite capable of navigating Sharepoint,’ Geoff retorted stubbornly. Although he didn’t believe what he said for one second.

________________

After some time, perhaps a longer period than expected which subsequently throws a project schedule into disarray, Geoff arrived at a cabin in the woods. A sign on the door read ‘Reality’. Geoff contemplated just passing by, but a thought struck him.

‘Why wait until later in the project to be disheartened at the way things turned out? I might as well punish myself from the outset. I’m not one for living in blissful ignorance.’

Geoff opened the door and entered the cabin. What he saw didn’t actually shock him that much.

‘Welcome Geoff,’ said the all too friendly Project Manager. ‘Thanks for agreeing to get started on this project before you sign your contract. As you know, publisher’s work to tight deadlines that, in reality, only you need to meet. I realise that the lack of contract might affect your pay. I’m sure there are workarounds, but we won’t bother with those.’

‘That’s… That’s okay,’ replied Geoff, still relatively positive. It was very early days after all.

‘So, let’s get started,’ said the Project Manager. All of a sudden, the manager morphed into a rabid wolf. Penetrating howls filled the room, and a pack of bloodthirsty canines could be heard responding to the PMs calls from deep into the heart of the woods.

‘I will howl the loudest, Geoff! What I say goes! Now, remember that brief?’ screamed the PM, ‘Well, the scope of the work just got BIGGER!!! Muhahahaha!’

The Project Manager threw off their cloak to reveal an array of new features to appear in each unit. Tip boxes, culture facts, mindfulness features, project pages, ‘How did I do?’ reflection half-pages that no one will use consistently or with any real purpose as formative assessment isn’t typically well embedded in those target markets… An extra grammar gap fill! Geoff’s brief-creep shield was no match for the Project Manager, and their disregard for how the scope increase would affect author wellbeing.

‘Don’t fight it, Geoff,’ sneered the Project Manager, ‘however considered your emails are, I will acknowledge your concerns and then bite back. You hear that pack out there? That’s not my team… That’s other writers. They want this contract. They’re closing in, Geoff. They’ll do it for scraps, too. At least we are offering you enough to buy your family a full meal. Suck it up, Geoff.’

‘Arrrgh, aaaargh, okay okay!’ Geoff caved. ‘I’ll get started tomorrow’.

‘Good. Very Good,’ replied the Project Manager with a smile. ‘Go, Geoff. Go and find the Tentacles of Target Markets on the other side of the woods. They have news of some… expansion…’

Geoff ran out of the cabin and onwards along the well-trodden path. The Tentacles were somewhere in the vast woods. Still, Geoff had more chance of finding them in such a vast space than he did of coming across a required document on Sharepoint. At least he had access to the woods, that was a start.

As he marched down the path, he heard the wind whistling again.

‘Sorry I’m late’

What the…?

‘I’m the Fourth Spirit of ELT Materials Writing Reason. Just a warning – there’s a project manager in that cabin who will literally treble the scope of that brief. I’ve worked with them before and believe me it’s not great. It’s the type of thing you really don’t want to commit to, but if you go in there, somehow you will. They cast a ‘susceptibility’ spell on writers in the Park of Publisher Flattery. Wait. You entered the cabin already, didn’t you?’

Geoff pulled out his phone and frantically checked his sent emails. Yes, he’d already turned down the two other projects.

This was it. This was all Geoff had. But that wasn’t the worst of it – he still had to visit the Tentacles of Target Markets to hear of the project’s… ‘expansion’…

To be continued…

Credits

All stills taken from Soleil / Crusader of Centy (c) Sega/Nextech/Atlus

Sources: here and here.

GIFs adapted from Shadowserg’s all bosses walkthrough here.